First there is 'shock and denial'.... No this can't be happening. I prayed. Didn't I hear clearly? How can I change this NOW?! As a strong arm comes around you, the warrior's voice whispers, "Yes, you did hear from God. You were walking on the path laid before you. But the other person has a free will also. They have chose to walk away. Holy Spirit is grieved also and potential is lost." Tears flow and breath is gasped. Where do you go from here?! To pick up all the shattered pieces.
Next flows pain and guilt.... As the shock begins to wear off, it is abruptly replaced with suffering of unbelievable pain! It is excruciating and almost unbearable but we must experience the pain fully so we can grow from this place. This is a scary place to stand at. There isn't light, yet.... Then the another warrior's voice speaks, "Don't hold back crying. This is a death in your life and must be treated as such. Tears bring healing and sanity to the chaos that is surrounding you."
Then comes the anger.... It flows and sometimes is hard to control. Little things ignite it. People asking questions, a song, a look. The scenarios play out in your mind and even in your dreams. Realization of lies come to light. Again the warrior's voice bellows through the darkness, "You have the right to be angry. Take that anger to the throne room. Let Daddy hear your pain raging in you so His Holy Presence can mold and shape your spirit into a beautiful woman."
Just when 'most people' think you should be getting on with your life, a period of sad reflection will overtake you. This is normal. During these moments, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss and it depresses you. Through reflecting, you see how strong and valuable you are. Your independence shines through to express the amazing diamond you have always been. The warrior reaffirms this by expressing, "You are an expensive, valuable diamond. If a man is not going to sacrifice to get you then he can go elsewhere to get cheap jewelry. You can't make yourself trust someone. They have to build that up. You are mature in your spiritual walk with Daddy. Trust Him. You are worth fighting for."
Finally, working through, acceptance and hope rushes in... the warriors' chime in together, "Don't let this kill the dreams you've been dreaming... Pray your boundaries not boxes! Boundaries can be different shapes where boxes are only squares. Boundaries shape your heart's desires and dreams. They give Daddy all the creative room He needs to sculpt your future. You have grown. You know you won't compromise or degrade yourself to someone else's standards. You are stronger, bolder, and a rare jewel..." A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man has to seek Him in order to find her.
In writing this, healing has come even more to me and my family. We have been through hell and back in the last two years. We have experienced many heart-breaks, devastating experiences, and lose of loved ones. I really debated on writing this. My intention is not to hurt others. (Which I usually hear through the grape vine that I offended 'someone'.) I want to express honor and respect towards the warriors that Daddy have placed in our lives. We could NOT have walked through this life without them. Thank you Jean, Ken, Knobby, Dale, and Josh. We love you......
