You will be missed......

I was sadden today to learn that one of the great authors who radically changed the way I think about my walk with Christ, stepped into eternity today.  He once wrote, "The closer I come to death, the less inclined I am to limit the wisdom and infinity of God."  Brennan Manning impacted me.  He was raw, compassionate, truthful, non-religious, and yet so full of God's love that it made the enemy shake.  This blog is dedicated to him.  Below are some exerts from my most favorite book by him, "The Furious Longing of God."  

"Ironically it was April Fool's Day, 1975, 6:30am, and I woke up in a doorway on Commercial Boulevard in Ft. Lauderdale, FL.  I was thick in an alcoholic fog, sniffing vomit all over my sweater, staring down at my bare feet.  I didn't know a wino would steal my shoes during the night to buy a bottle of Thunderbird, but one did.  I had been out on the street for a year and a half, drunk every day, sleeping on the beach until the cops chased me away.  You could find me in doorways or under the bridge, always clutching my precious little bottle of Tequila.  And it wasn't just that this good Franciscan priest drank too much.  I broke every one of the Ten Commandments six times Tuesday: adultery, countless acts of fornication, violence to support my addiction, character assassination to anybody who dared to criticize me or remonstrate with me.  

This morning I woke up in the alcoholic boozy fog, I looked down the street to see a woman coming toward me, maybe 25 years old, blonde, and attractive.  She had her son in hand, maybe 4 years old.  The boy broke loose from his mother's grip, ran to the doorway, and stared down at me.  His mother rushed in behind him, covering his eyes, and said 'Don't look at that filth.  That's nothing but pure filth.' Then I felt her shoe.  She broke two of my ribs with that kick.  

That filth was Brennan Manning, 32 years ago.  And the God I've come to know by sheer grace, the Jesus I met in the grounds of my own self, has furiously loved me regardless of my state---grace or disgrace.  And why?  For His love is never, never, never based on our performance, never conditioned by our moods---of elation or depression.  The furious love of God knows no shadow of alteration or change.  It is reliable.  And always tender.  Until the love of God that knows no boundary, limit, or breaking point is internalized through personal decisions; until the furious longing of God seizes the imagination; until the heart is conjoined to the mind through sheer grace, nothing happens.  

Is the kingdom that He proclaimed to be nothing more than a community of men and women, who go to church on Sunday, take an annual spiritual retreat, read their Bibles every now and then, vigorously oppose abortion, don't watch x-rated movies, never use vulgar language, smile a lot, hold doors open for people, root for the favorite team, and get along with everybody?  Is that why Jesus went through the bleak and bloody horror of Calvary?  Is that why He emerged in shattering glory from the tomb?  Is that why He poured out His Holy Spirit on the church?  To make nicer men  and women with better morals?

The gospel is absurd and the life of Jesus is meaningless unless we believe that He lived, died, and rose again with but one purpose in mind: to make brand-new creations.  Not to make people with better morals, but to create a community of prophets and professional lovers, who would surrender to the mystery of the fire of Holy Spirit that urns within, who would live in ever greater fidelity to the omnipresent Word of God, who would enter into the center of it all, the very heart and mystery of Christ, into the center of the flame that consumes, purifies, and sets everything aglow with peace, joy, boldness, and extravagant, furious love.

Abba I belong to You.. It's a prayer of exactly seven syllables, the number that corresponds perfectly to the rhythm of our breathing.  As you inhale---Abba.  As you exhale---I belong to You....  My name is Brennen Manning, and I'm Daddy's little boy."

Brennan Manning, you will be missed.  Especially from this ragamuffin..... 

"Cease striving and know that I am God," Psalm 46:10

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GeVf1XQOPg

Autumn....

I love this time of year.... The smells, the colors, the crispness of the air.  I went to the pumpkin patch today.  How fun it was to watching little ones trying to pick out the 'perfect' pumpkin.  Take time today to thank Daddy for season changes (Spiritual and literal).  Take time to smell, see, taste, hear, and feel the autumn around you.  Go on a hay ride, make hot apple cider, cuddle by a bon fire, enjoy life......

Chivalry......

Is Chivalry dead?  Are single women not supposed to look for the knights in shining armor?  What about a gentleman holding the door for a woman?  A kind word, faithful to your word, or loyalty?  It amazes me how some men expect you to do their work even though you are a woman.  Being a single mom I have many of these.  Short example: I was working three jobs to make ends meet.  I needed my yard mowed.  My son, at that time was little and not heavy enough to keep the mower running.  I made a comment about it and a 'man' turned to me and said, "I will come over and SHOW you how to mow your yard then you can DO it yourself from now on!"  Really?!  I promptly told him no thanks.

So what is Chivalry by definition... A moral system that stated all knights should protect others who can not protect themselves.  Knights not only had to be strong but they were also extremely disciplined and were expected to use their power to protect the weak and defenseless.  Knights vowed to be loyal, generous, and "noble bearing."  Knights were required to tell the truth at all times and always respect the honor of women.  Knights were to fear God and maintain His Church.  Knights always kept their faith and never turned their back on a foe.  They were gallant warriors or gentlemen.  Is this gone? I believe there are a select few who still hold to this truth.  The Word of God emphasizes that a father or husband covers and protects his wife/daughters/women in society.  

And Caleb said, "I will give my daughter Acsah in marriage to the man who attacks and captures Kiriath Sepher."  Othniel, son of Kenaz, Caleb's younger brother, took it; so Caleb gave his daughter, Acsah to him in marriage.  One day when she came to Othniel, she urged him to ask her father for a field.  When she got off her donkey, Caleb asked her, "What can I do for you?"  She replied, "Do me a special favor.  Since you have given me land in the Negev, give me also springs of water."  Then Caleb gave her the upper and lower springs (Joshua 15:16-19)....Why did he give her the upper and lower springs.  Because Caleb was a different standard of man.  He knew if he only gave her the lower, then anyone could come and control her.  How?  By cutting off the water supply that flowed down from the upper spring.  By giving her both he gave her security, love, value, and destiny.  Caleb honored her.  

In the New Testament, Jesus shows us no matter what is happening in your life, you protect women.  He is being crucified and He so gently looks at His mother and tells her John will be her covering.  She is well taken care of .  

So why am I rambling on?  I want men to be men.  You say you are coming by at a certain time to help, be there ON TIME (not 5 hours later).  If you are helping a woman with mechanical problems, don't expect her to get under the hood to fix a problem you should have done.  

Last weekend it was pouring so hard we had to use the rapid setting on the windshield wipers.  A young teenage girl had ran out of gas in the middle of one of the busiest intersections in our town.  My son and daughter immediately jumped out of our car to help push her to safety.  An elderly woman stopped to help also.  After the car was pushed into a parking lot entrance, one other man jumped out to help.  I literally watched 20-30 cars with men in them go by us.  What happened to "expected to use their power to protect the weak and defenseless."  What if that had been your daughter?! 

I encourage men to be men.  Dads to be dads.  Fathers to be fathers.  Friends to be friends.  Spiritual fathers to be Spiritual fathers.  Speaking from experience, it is utterly frustrating and makes one feel helpless.  Security is one of the greatest gifts you could ever give.....

Determining factors.....

Interesting how events in our lives impact generations to come.  Many times we pigeon hole ourselves to believe we can only do one thing in life.  "What do you want to do when you grow up" is often asked in school to determine the path you will walk down.  What if...there are many things you are suppose to do.  When I was growing up, my parents worked for General Motors.  They worked 40 hour weeks, had three weeks paid vacation and holidays off.  We planned our lives around their job.  In the summer we would pack up a 32 foot RV and hit the road.  I have had the rare opportunity to see 42 of our 50 states.  At the end of the vacation, 'back to the ole grind' my dad use to say.  But what if it didn't have to be that way? What if we are to live adventurous lives, see every situation as an opportunity, and impact generations.

I believe every decision we make, no matter how big or small, will direct the future.  Example, a teacher made a decision to move back to California last November.  Because of her decision, an opportunity for me to step back into teaching opened up.  From that decision I sought Daddy's direction for my life if I was to sign a contact for the following year.  I heard yes.  So I continued on that path.  Now I have fallen in love with nine precious little lives, instructing, nurturing, and sometimes pushing them to become strong Godly adults.  They in turn are taking their knowledge and touching lives around them.  

Another example is a friend of mine believed Daddy was directing him down a certain path.  He had written the vision down, had agreement with his wife, and covered it with prayer.  Circumstances changed with the church he was attending and his whole dream crumbled before his eyes.  He immediately hit his knees and asked God if he 'missed' it.  Daddy spoke to his heart in a profound way. Sometimes others' decisions can change the direction of your path.  Decisions impact generations.

What if...Joseph didn't believe in his dreams.  What if...Moses didn't believe his destiny came from a burning bush.  What if...Rahab thought all she could be was a prostitute.  What if...A certain man had 'put away' his betrothed wife who was pregnant with the Messiah.  What if...You never consider the importance of following your God given dreams....

So what is my point....We should take nothing lightly.  Everything we do touches generations to come. I am not here just by chance or because of a cosmic bang.  I have purpose, destiny, and I make a difference.  And so do you.....

Hard times.............

So I was encouraged to blog on a more regular basis today. This year has been so hard, full of disappointments, loss, pain, hurt, healing, changes........many times I wonder, "Do people really want to know about what life has thrown at me?"  I guess it is the lessons learned along the way.  As I was sitting in church today, I realized there are things missing in my life.  Important things, but God's grace is sufficient.  There are moments where I feel so intimately connected with my Daddy and other times like I am out there flapping. But if I continue to look to Him, hold tight to His hand, each step counts. Hopefully, I can help others along my journey....................

Standards....

A couple weeks ago someone asked why I haven't been blogging.  I replied, "I have been walking through some horrible stuff.  Don't think anyone wants to read about THAT!"  Well, I changed my mind.  When you are walking through CRAP, it is amazing how everyone has the 'right' answer, great advise, and can show you EXACTLY where you are wrong.  They say things that cut deep or are their opinions that don't even make sense.  Thus the reason for 'this' blog....


A couple days ago I found out a close friend betrayed my confidence to someone else.  This other person began making judgment calls on me and my family, instead of coming to us directly.  They stated that "our family is so hurt and we would never find a church that will meet up to our standards!"  Hhhmmm.... Of course that one stuck with me a couple of days.  In conversations with Daddy, I, of course, brought this up quite a few times.  My standard for the Church: I believe that my standard for the Church is reflected in the New Testament.  Peter described it, Timothy preached it, Paul died for it.  I believe it begins with LOVE.  And there is no ending to this Love.  It is unconditional, lays down its life for others, full of hope, kindness, generous, all encompassing, secure, tried and tested.  Isn't that the CHURCH that Christ DIED for! Wasn't that His vision, for us to walk whole and complete, if not why did He come to earth?


One of the kewl ways that Daddy shows me things is through dreams and visions.  In my opinion the difference between a dream and vision is your eyes are shut in one and opened in the other.  So after mulling these comments over and over, Daddy showed me a picture of 'the church' and how many are run.  Especially the ones where people are still bleeding and hurting, and needing others to reach out and help them through life.....


So I 'saw' a fire chief, firefighter, and two EMTs rush to a scene.  The scene had a man trapped in a car bleeding and in excruciating pain.  The fire chief ordered the firefighter to get the Spreader (Jaws of Life) which he did and laid at the chief's feet.  The EMTs had huge black medical bags filled with medicine to take away the pain, gauze, bandages, splints, everything the trapped man would need.  All four of these people stood so the trapped man could see them.  The chief yelled loud and clearly, "Come sir to us, we HAVE ALL YOU NEED to heal, stop bleeding, to save your life, BUT you have to come and get it.  You have to come and take part of ALL the programs and training courses we offer so you can be a 'whole' person.  We are right here waiting for you to get connected." I sensed the chief  represented a pastor.  I immediately started crying.  Dear God is that how the 'church' is run today?! My heart was grieved.  How many of US sit in church, live next to neighbors, work with co-workers, who are just like that man trapped?  We have ALL they need and we want them to 'get connected', to 'reach' out to others, to come get involved in programs, when all they need is love, healing, and restoration.  O MY GOD! PLEASE don't let me walk through this whole painful walk and not use these vital lessons. What my family is walking through--we are the one in the car trapped and needing love, healing, and restoration, not programs, gossip, and harsh words.  Let me reach out daily to others and help them where they are in life, even in my pain and bleeding.  Keep my heart soft and tender to hear others' needs.  Let others hear mine.  


On my quest, I pray I learn what I need to learn quickly so I do not have to repeat the lesson.  I have discovered a great deal about others and myself.  And I cling tightly to Daddy's hand......

A Broken Heart.....

How do you heal from a broken heart.... How do you get passed the anger.... It is a DEATH and there must be a grieving period.  Daddy sends warriors to defend, comfort, protect, and console you as you trudge through the agony.  


First there is 'shock and denial'.... No this can't be happening.  I prayed.  Didn't I hear clearly? How can I change this NOW?!  As a strong arm comes around you, the warrior's voice whispers, "Yes, you did hear from God.  You were walking on the path laid before you.  But the other person has a free will also.  They have chose to walk away.  Holy Spirit is grieved also and potential is lost."  Tears flow and breath is gasped.  Where do you go from here?!  To pick up all the shattered pieces.  


Next flows pain and guilt....  As the shock begins to wear off, it is abruptly replaced with suffering of unbelievable pain!  It is excruciating and almost unbearable but we must experience the pain fully so we can grow from this place.  This is a scary place to stand at.  There isn't light, yet.... Then the another warrior's voice speaks, "Don't hold back crying.  This is a death in your life and must be treated as such.  Tears bring healing and sanity to the chaos that is surrounding you."  


Then comes the anger....  It flows and sometimes is hard to control.  Little things ignite it.  People asking questions, a song, a look.  The scenarios play out in your mind and even in your dreams.  Realization of lies come to light.  Again the warrior's voice bellows through the darkness, "You have the right to be angry.  Take that anger to the throne room.  Let Daddy hear your pain raging in you so His Holy Presence can mold and shape your spirit into a beautiful woman."  


Just when 'most people' think you should be getting on with your life, a period of sad reflection will overtake you.  This is normal.  During these moments, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss and it depresses you.  Through reflecting, you see how strong and valuable you are.  Your independence shines through to express the amazing diamond you have always been.  The warrior reaffirms this by expressing, "You are an expensive, valuable diamond.  If a man is not going to sacrifice to get you then he can go elsewhere to get cheap jewelry.  You can't make yourself trust someone.  They have to build that up.  You are mature in your spiritual walk with Daddy.  Trust Him.  You are worth fighting for."  


Finally, working through, acceptance and hope rushes in... the warriors' chime in together, "Don't let this kill the dreams you've been dreaming... Pray your boundaries not boxes!  Boundaries can be different shapes where boxes are only squares.  Boundaries shape your heart's desires and dreams.  They give Daddy all the creative room He needs to sculpt your future.  You have grown. You know you won't compromise or degrade yourself to someone else's standards.  You are stronger, bolder, and a rare jewel..."  A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man has to seek Him in order to find her.  


In writing this, healing has come even more to me and my family.  We have been through hell and back in the last two years.  We have experienced many heart-breaks, devastating experiences, and lose of loved ones.  I really debated on writing this.  My intention is not to hurt others.  (Which I usually hear through the grape vine that I offended 'someone'.)  I want to express honor and respect towards the warriors that Daddy have placed in our lives.  We could NOT have walked through this life without them.  Thank you Jean, Ken, Knobby, Dale, and Josh.  We love you......